My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
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