Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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