Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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