I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
