Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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