the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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