You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
