Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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