oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
