why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
