And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
