3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
