a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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