That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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