Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You smell like stripper and shame
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
