I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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