we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
