What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
