White coat. Heels.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's official drugs can't kill me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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