remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
