my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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