I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
