At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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