how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
