Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
