So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
