Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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