I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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