if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just want nice things and good sex
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
