I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The air was thick with penises
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
