is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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