i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
