good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
