Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
