Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
