I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
