STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
