Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
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The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
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All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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