Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
