Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
