White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
