Hey man sorry I got all grabby
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
