dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i now understand why vodka
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
