youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
