they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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