1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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