my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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