fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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