My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize