Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
