Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
