I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
