nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
