We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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