dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
