How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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