how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
