He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
