You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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