The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
operation harelip BJ is a go
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
