Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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