Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
