Are we in a gay sports bar?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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