something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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