had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
