I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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