he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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