why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This is the high leading the old right now
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
