His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
