May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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