Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
