12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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