Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
