So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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