When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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