I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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