so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
