I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
