Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
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Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
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My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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