Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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