the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
