I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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