so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize