i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
