So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it hurts more in the daytime
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
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