Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
