She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
